omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
