well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
