I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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