What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She needs sedatives and a leash
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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