He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
