I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
