You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
