my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
