is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
