we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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