Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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