You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
