I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
