yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
