discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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