Tell her she can't have a vagina
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
