Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
