when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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