Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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