i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
