Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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