I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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