i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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