HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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