You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
