Old men and throwing up are my life now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
