sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
