Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
