Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
