i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
