So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
