Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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