Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
