so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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