Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
