At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
