so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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