I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
