Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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