I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
