I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
