does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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