she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will pee on everything he values.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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