I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
