Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was CRYING into my vagina
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
