I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
