girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
