That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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