im drinking this country out of the recession.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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