You're earring is so big in my mouth
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
