Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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