Nicole vs. Life
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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