Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
