i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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