I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
