I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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