if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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