the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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