My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
did i walk over a car last night?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
