I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
