Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
