i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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