is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
