Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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