Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
