i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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