I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
