There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
