Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
