i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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