every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
